Garbage Disaster

Garbage is a disgusting thing. And I have discovered another reason why.

It was Thursday morning (trash day) and we were leaving for work. Scot always takes the trash to the end of the driveway on Wednesday evening to get it over and done with. Our driveway is very long. Funny thing that morning, the newspaper was in the flowerbed. It is usually down at the end of the driveway since the newspaper man is too lazy to drive the whole ways up the road to the house. We got in to the jeep and headed down the driveway. As we got closer to the end of the driveway, our mouths started gapping open and our chins dropped to our knees. There was a week's worth of garbage all over the place!! We were in shock. No wonder the newspaperman was generous enough to bring the paper up the driveway. We would have never found it in that mess. I will never talk bad about him again! Scot backs the jeep up the driveway and goes into the house to get more trash bags. See there are all kinds of dogs running loose up and down the road. No one seems to think it is a problem, yeah right!

We get to the end of the road and park the jeep. Scot and I get out and start picking up the mess. It stank! It reeked! It was awful! And it was still dusk. I was afraid to put my hands in that mess, but what else could I do? Do you know what empty beer cans smell like that have been sitting for days in the heat? As we were scooping up the mess one of the dogs started coming our way. Scot says, "There is one of them now." He picks up a rock and hurls it in the air and says, "Get out of here you son of a $%#@*!" Next thing you know there was a yelp or two and the dog tucks it's tail in and thunders off down the road. Scot says, "Hey I got it," as he chuckles. I looked up in time to see a glorious smile on his face. A moment of satisfaction and revenge for him. Pretty good shot since it was not to light out yet.

Finally we had most of the mess cleaned up. All that was left was soiled cat litter, wet coffee grounds and nasty cigarette butts. They would have to wait. And hopefully blow away before we get home. As we got back into the jeep I smellt of my hands. Oh yuck! They smelled like garbage. Scot offered to go back to the house so I could wash them but I said I could make it until we got to town and wash them at work. We were really running behind. We got stuck behind the school bus for about 15 minutes on the road. Stopping and loading every three minutes. And when we came to a dead stop I could smell myself when the wind wasn't blowing. Nasty! As we were traveling down the highway we went through two clouds of skunk odor. I would have loved to put my hand over my mouth and nose to cover the smell, but I took the lesser of the two evils and toughed it out. How I wished I had taken Scot up on his offer to go wash my hands! I sat very still all the way in town and did not touch anything but my mug of coffee. When we got to my stop it was day light by them. I looked down at my hands and was surprised to see how nasty and dirty they were. Thank goodness I had tied my flying scarf (to keep my hair in place) on my head before I started picking up garbage. Now all I had to do was carefully take it off. The thought of touching my face did not appeal to me at this moment.

I went to the ladies room as soon as I got in the building and scrubbed my hands. Then I worked on the handle of my coffee mug. I went outside to the Smokey pokey and sprayed perfume all over my pants and shoes. As I recited this story to my friends at work I continued to ask them for the first three hours of the day if they could smell me. Then I added more hand lotion and perfume to myself. They said they did not smell me but continued to call me garbage lady all day. When Scot picked me up after work I told him that I was paranoid all day that I smelled. He said he had the same problem, only he did smell. He had "stuff" wedged in between the tracks on the bottom of his shoes. Ewwwww! We are still laughing about it, especially the part where the dog got hit in the rump with a rock.

New rule…… never ever, leave garage at the end of the road unless every bag is securely locked inside the trash can with the lid tightly sealed!!