Yes! I have lost my mind

Mack,(my grandson) who is now 8 has a habit of saying "Nanny, are you loosing your mind?" I picked him up from school on Friday and there happen to be one of those moments where he had the opportunity to ask that very question. I looked at him and said Mack, I am going to share something with you that, at this point I haven't told anyone yet. He smiled that boyish smile that told me he was waiting for something juicy to hold over my head for awhile.

I told him that one day I was dusting the living room and cleaning the smudges off of the monitor on the computer and there was this one spot that I kept rubbing (carefully) and it wouldn't come off. So I put on my glasses (duh) to get a better look at what I was rubbing (carefully) that wouldn't come off. Upon closer inspection I realized that it was the little arrow cursor !!! So I mumbled to myself oh yes Nanny you have lost your mind !

Naturally Mack smiled that big smile of his and laughed at me and he agreed that I have totally lost my mind............

I love it when......

I love it when she squeezes my neck so hard I choke and my eyes pop out

I love it when she drops playdoh crumbs on the floor on purpose so she can use the electric broom to clean up her mess

I love it when she puts her dirty dishes in the dishwasher on top of the clean ones...

I love it when she says her F words which are T sounds like tunny and tind and tell and tantastic

I love it when her face is beaming with happiness because the dog sat in front of her and offered his paw

I love it when were in the car and she has to sing so loud you have to roll down the windows to let the sound out

I love it when she says I am ally ally done now

I love it when she puts her underwear on backwards and then picks it out of her crack all day

I love it when you give her something that makes her so happy and she says tank you very much nanny

I love it when she is watching her favorite shows with a grin from ear to ear and never hears you talking to her

I love it when she watches the same movie 100 times before she switches to a new one

I love it when she tells poppy over the phone I tell and got bwood, look do you see it poppy?

I love it when she tells me you are NOT going to run away from home nanny

I love it when she is talking to grandma on the phone and ask to talk to sampson the dog

I love it when I ask her, what am I going to do with you? and she says love me and squeeze me and kiss me

I love it when after church on Sunday she asks are we going to lunch at the westaurant now?

I love it when she sees a bug and has to get up close and personal with it

I love it when she pets the goat and says you wanna smell my hand it smells like stinky gus

I love it when she sees a neighbor and frantically waves and yells hi until they notice her

I love it when were in a store and she spots a baby and insists she has to see it and touch it and says oh what a cute little baby

I love it when she wants to look at pictures of herself when she was a baby

I love it when she unrolls the whole roll of toilet paper and says nanny look what happened!

I love it when company comes and have to use that roll of toilet paper

I love it when she is scared or hurt or sick and she always comes to me for comfort

I love it when she goes for a nap and 5 minutes later says I woke up now

I love it when she chases me and says I gonna get your little hiney butt

I love that she is happy and beautiful inside and outside and is so innocent and curious and loving and mischevious all wrapped into one little ball of princess

I love that God has blessed me with this little girl

Ramen Noodles

I fell asleep on the couch when Dolly went for a nap. I dreamed that Timmy was there when I woke up and that someone had brought him home a day earlier. I was so surprised that I fainted. It was the moment I woke up and then I dozed back to sleep again and was just coming to from the fainting spell. He was standing there in tan pants with a blue military shirt on, obviously the clothes they gave him to come home in since he went there in orange jail bird clothes. He said "hey woman why is the refrigerator empty"? I instantly noticed how slim and trim he was and I got up and said come here and hug me. Then I woke up. It was so funny because he has gained a lot of weight in the last year.

I went outside to tell Scot about my dream and he laughed and said did you read that letter we got from him today? I said no I didn't see it. He laughed again and said that Timmy is talking about getting diet pills to loose some of the weight he gained. I hurried inside to read the letter and I quote "I am excited about coming home everything is going to be a little bit different. I can't wait to eat pizza and fajitas and lasagna and steak. Oh man it's going to be so nice to eat a pork steak or even a pork chop...... Hell yeah!!! That will be the nicest thing ever. It sucks going 10 months without eating real meat. They say we get turkey but it think it's soybeans cause it don't taste nothing like turkey. I think I'm gonna get some diet pills when I get out to lose some of this weight that I've gained for 10 months of eating nothing but raman noodles, God those things are fattening. So, I did laugh....................!!!

shes running away from home

One evening after dinner while Dolly was occupied I motioned to Scot that I was going to the store. He nodded ok and I snuck out the back door. It's so much easier to zip to the store alone and not have to buckle unbuckle and buckle again. While I was gone she noticed I was missing and asked poppy, where is nanny? He told her I ran away. She marched to her room and said I am going to run away and find her. As I was coming in the back door and she was lugging this bag that looked pretty heavy. She says this is heavy nanny. I said what are you doing? She says I am running away from home to find you. You are? What do you have in that bag, lets see. I bend down and sure enough it's full. Full of about 5 pair of shoes........... she's got her priorities.

hair dye and new pajamas

The morning is cool and crisp and it promises to be a beautiful day. Shawn is coming over to "help" with some chicken chores. Sometimes chicken chores involve being in the goat yard and that means Gus to contend with. He's mostly good, but not always good. Big mama (the chicken) was injured, again. Shes big and slow and Sunny steps on her when she gets running around like a crazy goat in the evening. Gus isn't fond of anyone who moves any of his furniture (the spool) or picks big mama up. He adores her. So Shawn gets her out and we put her in the main chicken yard and while we are at it lets shoo a few of these other chickens in the goat yard. Got a 16 to 5 ratio going and I am sure Domino would like a few more hens to boss around. There is a small spot in the chain link fence that was cut out before we got another rooster for the hens to travel from yard to yard. It's patched now with chicken wire. So let me loosen it up and we can shove a few hens through the hole as we coax them with some chicken food. Sure that would work if Gus hadn't come over and managed to squeeze himself under the fence. I carted Dolly out of there fast and watched as he got rowdy with Shawn. Shawn broke the rake handle over his back and Gus rammed his knee pretty hard. Sunny got under the fence too and chickens were scattering every where. I got some corn on the cob to coax him out of the yard but he was torn between eating and giving Shawn a hard time. He got half way home but was "fooling" around to much and then the words came. That's it buster.... your going down! That means Shawn has had enough and he gets on his hands and knees and yanks Gus' front legs and brings him down then sits on him so he can't get up. Meanwhile Sunny willfully heads home to the right yard and I open the gate and let her in. After the take down Gus cooperates and goes home too. I saw Shawn go in the yard with him and hug him, baby him, and I think kiss him too. Brave guy, Gus STINKS! We managed to get 3 hens over to the other yard and aquire goat smell on us. Heres the truth, if Shawn would have left the yard and got on the deck I would have been able to lore Gus out of the chicken yard straight to the goat yard with no problems. Gus just likes to mess with Shawn.
The day progresses with more chores and some play. By evening only one hen is left in the goat yard that we moved over. Sigh...... they always fly over the fence. That particular chicken is sort of small so I guess she couldn't make it over. Later when I was making dinner I looked out the window and the chicken was riding on Gus' back! I think she was trying to get a lift over the fence but Gus was walking the other way. I yelled for Scot to come look because it may never happen again and I got a picture of it.
We captured my neighbors bunny in the front yard that has been loose for weeks. It took me her and her son to catch her but she is safe now and that makes me feel better.
After dinner I went to take a shower and when I took off my sneakers I dumped a ton, well maybe half a ton of dirt and grass all over the bathroom floor..... I grazed my finger with a rotary cutter that day and scratched my arm on chicken wire fencing and there is a chunk of flesh missing on the palm of my hand that I have no idea how I did that. But never fear, I have a new pair of pajamas and a box of hair dye. Funny how that makes you feel better at the end of a long day

the jar of worries and fear

this is dedicated to my family, because it is about my family

The jar of worries and fear. We all have one. But how we handle them is another thing. I have a jar. It's a really big jar. Everything I worry about and fear about it is that jar. It has become so heavy and cumbersome. There is something in there from all of you. Some of you have more stuff in there than others. I keep cramming stuff in there and quickly screwing on the cap so it all stays inside. It is on the verge of bursting and the weight of it has become more than I can bear. My shoulders are slumped from dragging it around with me and my eyes are down cast from the shear weight of it. I have neglected to look up and see the beauty and joy that surrounds my very exhistance. The blessings bestowed upon my life from my heavenly father. I want to stay in bed with the covers over my head and not have to deal with that stupid jar. But the answer is right in front of me. Why have I neglected to seek it? Look at this jar, do you see all the darkness that dwells inside of it? Why, I believe I see a few bitter roots growing in there. Those roots are really starting to take hold and wrap themselves around me. They are smothering me. They are holding me down and keeping from me, peace and joy and happiness.

Now that you all are here I want you to gather around. Watch me as I unscrew the lid, stand back while I scoop all the stuff out. I apoligize if any of it falls down upon your head, that may be some of the stuff that belongs to you anyway. I can't keep it any longer. I am throwing it to heaven to lay at the feet of Jesus. Whatever made me think that I could fix all that stuff? Whatever made me think I could change all that stuff anyway? Who am I to assume I could do it? Impossible! Jesus, take it, take all of it and make something beautiful out of it. Make it count for something positive, use your might and power. I release it to you so that your will be done. Remove the scales from my eyes and allow me to see, and appreciate the promises you have for me. Bring me the peace and joy and happiness that are to be mine. Allow me to walk upright again and not slumped over. Help me to be ever grateful for all that I am blessed with. I thank you now for what you have done for me yesterday and I thank you for what you are doing in my heart today and I thank you for what you will bless me with tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that.

Now that my jar is empty I am going to crush it because I won't need it any longer. I don't claim to be perfect, I am far from it. But I can go on from here now that I am free. Now that my heart is free from burdens I can love you all more, and enjoy you all more, and the smile on my face will be genuine. I will always be here for you if you need me for anything, but the worries and the fear won't go into that darn old jar any longer. That's because I broke it, remember? However, I can, and will pray for you. There is only one who can fix it, and with a little team work from you nothing is impossible.

The dog next door

We recently got new neighbors and they have a little weeny dog named Ruby. She is very young and squirms and wiggles like a noodle. She doesn't willingly come to you because she is to busy wiggling. We have a ranch fence around the back yard and naturally a little dog like Ruby can fit right through the squares on the fence. So when we are outside and Ruby is outside and not tied to her front porch she comes to visit. This makes Dolly so excited and our dogs are "dog friendly" with other dogs. Dolly squeals with delight as she says Ruby Ruby come here, Ruby keeps going in circles and Dolly might get a quick pet in if she is lucky. Getting Ruby to go home is not an easy task. It's like trying to catch a cricket that keeps hopping.
One Saturday morning as I was finishing in the shower and getting dressed I heard a comotion in the living room then the back door closing and then Dolly crying, Poppy I want to come outside. Then Dolly is trying to tell me something between her tears and excitement and I wasn't understanding any of it! She left the bathroom as Scot appeared to tell me that he was sitting on the couch watching TV and a dog jumped on his lap, not uncommon in our house. He said he went to pet it and then realized it was the dog next door. So Ruby has discovered the doggie door! It was only a matter of time. He said he chased her outside and into the driveway. Then the giggling starts and Dolly is yelling Ruby Ruby come here Ruby is here again Poppy. I am laughing inside and trying not to laugh outside because Scot rolled his eyes and growled and marched out of the bathroom. His patience is minimal mine is maximum. Then I hear march march with stomping feet and the back door opening again. Then Dolly is yelling Poppy I want to come outside. I am smiling at all this, can't help it. It was quite a few minutes before he came back in the house so I guessed he marched to their front door this time. He did and she said she guessed she would have to keep Ruby penned up all day. Duh.... you can't just let your dog visit in peoples doggie doors all day. I am sure Scot's blood pressure was up.
Not done yet folks. It's Sunday morning and I am getting ready for church and what do I hear? Dolly laughing with delight and the sound of nails sliding over the kitchen floor and Dolly yelling Ruby Ruby ... Ruby is here! I am laughing inside again. Then marching feet and a door slamming. This time Ruby shows up with a piece of rope tied to her collar. Scot said he just took her back and tied her up to the other end of the rope. He didn't knock on the door or tell anyone. Wonder if Ruby will come visit us again? My bet is she will whenever she gets the chance, I just hope we are home when it happens. I am imagining what I would find if Ruby spent a few hours in our house alone when no one was there. YIKES!!

my moms innocence makes me laugh

I wanted to make some chocolate chip cookies the other day and realized that I didn't have any baking soda, so I called my mom and asked her if she had any and could she put just a little bit in a ziploc bag for me and bring it along to church. When we got to church I asked her if she remembered the baking soda and as she reached into her purse she told me I didn't have a ziploc bag so I put it in this tin foil. And she hands me a piece of tin foil all wrapped up neatly with the baking soda in it. I chuckled inside and all I could think of was what if, for whatever reason. I got pulled over and the cops found this tinfoil package and unwrapped it and here I got some white powder in it? Unfortunately the story ends here and I won't be giving you any drama and excitement but still.................. my mom's innocence makes me laugh. Of course white powder in a ziploc bag wouldn't be any better but the tin foil takes the cake. I love my mom. She always makes me laugh and the two of us together are bound to be a comedy.

Demeral AND beer?

It was a Saturday night and I had just fallen asleep. What is that noise? It's my cell phone, something must be wrong. Groggily I wake up and search for the phone which is right next to the bed. Hello, it's my mom and she is nearly crying, Sheila can you take me to the emergency room I have so much pain, something is not right. Let me get some clothes on and I will be right there. Thankfully she is only 5 minutes down the road ( 8 in the dark). She had back surgery 8 days ago and is in the recovery stages. There is no one else in the waiting room so we never have to sit down and in only minutes we are in a room. Then she sits down, very gently. 5 minutes later a doctor comes in and listens to her situation. He rubs his chin and hesitates a few minutes and says let me get the nurse and I will need to have a look back there. That means lying down and that is when the intense pain happens. We look at each other with that knowing look that doom is about to happen. Here they come and carefully and slowly she lies down on her side with minimal amount of moaning. After checking he says I don't see anything out of place and it looks like it is healing well. I think what you are experiencing is the nerve endings coming back to life. Now it's time to sit up. With two of them helping her the pain is excruciating and the moaning is so loud and she almost passes out from the pain and another doctor comes in. Two doctors and a nurse are glaring at her with worried expressions. She is standing because that is the position they got her in. Oh my gosh it's terrible to see her hurt so badly. And there is nothing I can do! One of the doctors suggests a shot for the pain and she puts her hand up and shakes her head no and says I already took my pain pill. I said mom I think you should take the shot it will help you. She hesitates then agrees. So they all went out and one of the doctors comes back with the shot. She is sitting on the bed again and right in the hiney she gets it. Now we have to wait 10 minutes or so for it to take effect. We are chatting quietly and then she really starts chatting and occasionally her words are sloppy. Then she says I think this is starting to take effect because I am feeling a little --she was at a lost for words so I filled in--drunk? Yeah and we laughed and yack yack yack yack. She would change the subject before we finished the first conversation. She was funny. The doctor came in and told her to go home, rest and to call her surgery doctor monday if it continued. We'll get you a chair and wheel you out of here in just a minute. So I helped her to get dress and got our purses and went to get the car. SheIS funny when she is loopy. She had some trouble getting out of the chair and into the car and situated but she is such a trooper. I know she is still hurting and what can I do? We are driving slowly through downtown and the lights are blinking yellow and red since there is little to no traffic every night. She is sort of mumbling and says what is that place? Oh, it's a bar, a nice cold beer would be good once in awhile. I laughed and said sure let's stop for one that would be good with your demeral. We chuckled and she continues about how a cold beer once in awhile is so good and it's been so long since I had a nice cold beer and once in awhile I would love to have one and I probably drank enough beer to last me a life time already. As were going down the highway Scot is calling to see if she is okay and I told him she wants to go for a nice cold beer and he is laughing and says we can stop at Archie's on the way home. Its a little country bar down the road from her. And she says yeah we can go in their and do Kareokee. Boy wouldn't that be something. I can't sing and she can 't hardly walk and she is dopey as all get out. She is going to sleep good tonight. I get her home and I help her change and I tuck her into bed and prop a pillow behind her back to support her if she rolls cause that's when the pain hits. I kiss her goodnight on the cheek and say I don't know if I have ever tucked you in bed before mom? I love you, I love you to honey and thank you. I tell pops good night and wait in the car to make sure he gets the lights off okay. As they slowly go off from room to room I know they are securly safe for the night and I go home to crawl into my own bed. Pops tells me she was sound asleep before he got back to the bedroom.

The windows to small or my hips are to big

After dinner I grab my bucket and a few carrots and I am off to gather eggs and feed the animals. I have learned to do the goat yard first because they (Gus) has no patience in waiting to be second. First you fill the food tub with goat grower (cause I am growing some big goats)) then you add a scoop of corn because that's what makes them happy and distracted while I gather eggs in that part of the yard. There is a lock on the inside and outside of the door to the hen house so that when I go in to get eggs I can lock the door so no goats will follow me in there. It's narrow and forcing a large goat out backwards might not be to easy, especially a male with big horns. So I go in and lock the door and get the eggs, I unlatch the lock and push and nothing happens, the door must be stuck, so I push again and it ain't budgin. Many pushes and I discover that the latch on the outside fell down and I am stuck! This wouldn't be such a problem except that Gus doesn't like Scot and he has had a few "incidents" with him while being in the goat yard. The goat yard is now off limits for Scot. It's a male thing you know, don't mess with Gus's girls or he comes after you. Well, even if you don't mess with his girls you can't come in if your a male unless you want to wrestle with him. Soooo, what to do? I never go in there without my cell phone, just incase, and this is one of those just in case times. I call Shawn, he is the one who wrestles Gus to the ground if necessary. Shawn is on his way in town to pick up his daughter and so when I tell him I am locked inside the hen house in the goat yard he starts laughing his butt off. What are you going to do he asks? Well, there is a little window in the hen house and I think I can climb out that way, call you back and let you know. By this time Dolly is wondering where I am and she is calling for me. She is playing in the yard with poppy. I have no choice but to inform Scot that I am stuck. He laughs, then says let me come open the door for you. I yell no no you can't come in here. He opens the gate and Gus hears him and I yell Gus is coming get out! Very quickly he turns around and latches the gate. Well what are you going to do he asks? I am going to climb out this window here. Can you fit? I think I can. The window is up high so I stand on the nesting boxes and put one leg out. It's a good drop to the ground and I am not sure I can get the leverage to do this gracefully. Nope, this isn't going to work. Let me try to go head first I yell. He says you can't do that your going to fall. Looking at the drop he is probably right. And on second thought I don't think my hips will fit and then I will be hanging out the window with my hips stuck and who knows what would happen if that stinky goat came over to see me? He has been rather horny lately with his girls and I didn't want to be stuck there. So I yell I don't think I can fit through this window. Why mention that my butt would be what caused me to be stuck, that's like opening a can of worms with a man! I look up and Scot is getting ready to come in the gate again. I yell no, you can't come in here someone has to take care of Dolly. I envision him plastered to the ground with a huge goat looming over him, stomping on him and worse, and I am stuck and Dolly is all alone in the other yard. Oh the horror of it. He puts his finger to his lips and says shhhhh, he points to Gus who is on his knees busy eating with his back to the gate. Very silently he lifts the latch and opens the gate ever so slowly and latches it again very gently. He actually tip toes across the yard and unlatches the door to the hen house and rapidly tip toes back out the gate and I wait back with the carrot. He closes the gate latch with a clang and Gus pops his head up and swings around and looks at Scot, I yell Gus come get your carrot and he quickly lumbers over to me, eats the carrot and goes back to his tub of food. With a big sigh I leave the yard, latch the gate and put the chain around it. Then we laugh. And if you would have seen Scot tip toeing across that yard you would have laughed too. I called Shawn to share the story with him and again he is laughing his butt off.......Better cut a hole in that door so it won't happen again. Believe me, I totally secure the latch before I go in there so it won't happen ever again.